This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
