I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
