Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
