Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
