god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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