Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
