I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
