How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
