Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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