There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
