Duck Duck Cougar?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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