i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Farmville is her only friend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
