He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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