ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
