are you still at the devil's house?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
