My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
