Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
