Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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