so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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