Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
