I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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