after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
