somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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