Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
