I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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