If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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