so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
