hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
