My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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