I cannot find my penis.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
