we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
