Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
