I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize