not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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