those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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