Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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