just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
