Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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