youre lurking in front of me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
