and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
