Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
