You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
