all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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