Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
