I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
