I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
