yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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