I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has the fingertips of a God
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize