Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
