just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
