Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I lost the right to judge tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
