How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
