hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
