Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
