he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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