My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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