You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
