Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
