I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize