I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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