I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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