look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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