just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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