I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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