I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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