the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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